The Struggle with Self Compassion

As a therapist, I see clients who come to the counseling office with numerous issues. Loss of a relationship, job changes, anxiety, depression, grief, trauma, illness, or just plain unhappiness with the way life currently is going.

One thing that is common amongst humans. We are innately wired to be on the outlook for danger, always assessing their surroundings to protect themselves. It is our habitual nature to turn towards the negative, and blame outward sources for our unhappiness.

Today, this habit serves less of a purpose, and can manifest in an outward blaming game.

When clients come to therapy, initially there is what therapists call a “presenting problem”. My boss, my wife, my job, my circumstances, if only I had the money, the promotion, the relationship.. the list goes on.

By creating a safe environment for understanding and growth, slowly clients come to realization that their perception, not circumstances, must change for true growth to occur.

And that growth isn’t linear. It doesn’t look pretty written in glitter ink. But it’s honest. And it’s vulnerable. And it’s real. And honestly isn’t that what we are all here for in the end?

The struggle with self compassion is, we have to be vulnerable with ourselves and look in the dark corners and crevices, deep down in the root of the mind that may have memories and circumstances that don’t feel good.

By exploring these emotions in a safe environment with a trusted person, self compassion can begin to manifest on the journey to healing.

Are you ready to truly forgive yourself? Are you ready to look in the dark corners and roots to heal?

Rumi once said “maybe you are searching amongst the branches, for what only appears in your roots”

Wishing you health and wellness!

Michelle Smith

LMHC, MS

michelle.smith.lmhc@gmail.com

Therapy Doesn’t Have to Be Scary: What to Know Before You Go

Many times fear of the unknown stops potential clients from making that first phone call to begin receiving treatment, but therapy doesn’t have to be scary!

Keep reading for some important information to help ease anxiety you may have about seeking mental health treatment.

Therapists Do Not Provide Advice

If you are new to understanding therapy, you may believe entering a clinician’s office you will be expected to spill your deepest darkest secrets in record time, only to have someone sitting across from you say, “Well all you need to do is…” Although this is a very common ideology, it couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Seeking mental health treatment is different than speaking to family and friends about your feelings because we are trained specifically NOT provide advice to clients. Therapists instead will ask questions to support unlocking the wisdom already inside.

A therapist’s intention across the couch is to support the clients treatment goal progress by providing psychoeducation, and debunking irrational fears and beliefs while building a trusting and safe relationship.

Sounds less horrific already right??

You Have Control of Your Treatment

Another fear many clients come to the initial session with is that the therapist will control and manipulate treatment. For example dictating what is talked about during each session, or pushing clients to talk of uncomfortable issues before they are ready.

In reality, the therapeutic relationship (between the therapist and the client) is one of the most treasured and important parts of the process. Depending on your comfortability, it may take a few sessions before you are ready to begin diving into the content you came to seek a professional for… AND That’s OK!

While beginning treatment, your therapist will collaboratively work with you to identify your goals. Never feel pressured to share information you don’t feel comfortable with yet to try to get to results faster.

Let your therapist know how you are feeling. You will take an active part in treatment… after all, it is your life we’re talking about!

Confidentiality

Finally, and most importantly is the myths behind confidentiality which is the cornerstone of effective therapy. Confidentiality is simply, your right to privacy.

HIPPA, or the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act, ensures your medical records and personal health information, including psychotherapy and mental health information, remains private.

That means, without your written permission your therapist cannot legally share any personal information to your family, friends, boss, cousin, or partner. They actually can’t even disclose if you are even their client or not without a release of information…(talk about hush hush!)

Keep in mind, there are certain limitations to confidentiality, which your therapist should explain in detail during your initial session.

There are benefits to utilizing a private pay therapist, if confidentiality is a major importance to your treatment. If your therapist appears unclear or rushes through confidentiality and it’s limitations, be sure to ask questions such as:

    What types of communication with my therapist are confidential ( ie: in person, email, phone, text etc.)
    If I’m billing insurance or using EAP what information is shared to my insurance agency/ workplace?
    What is the benefit of private pay regarding confidentiality?
    What are the limitations of confidentiality?

As a therapist, I have the amazing privilege of sitting alongside my clients journey, as they take inventory of personal feelings, emotions, and mental status.

This Halloween don’t let fear stop you from creating a life worth living! Begin discovering yourself TODAY with Michelle Smith Counseling, located off Northlake Blvd in Palm Beach Gardens, FL

Contact me at 405-323-1786 for more information on my therapeutic approach

Happy Halloween,

Michelle Smith

MS, RMHCI

michellesmith@discoveryourselftoday.com

405-323-1786

3 Myths about Psychotherapy and Why it Can Drastically Benefit Your Life

In the last few years, their has been a dramatic shift in nations focus towards mental health. From school shootings, increase in suicides, and family separation at our nations borders now more than ever Americans are understanding the importance of mental health awareness. Unfortunately many are still skeptical about reaching out to professionals for therapy. In an effort to break the stigma around mental health, today I discuss a few myths regarding the therapeutic process. My hope is to encourage individuals, couples, and families to seek support and engage in holistic approach to their healing journey

1. Going to therapy means I’m “weak, flawed, or “crazy” This myth couldn’t be farther from the truth! Mental health professionals work with clients with many different concerns from severe mental illnesses to life transitions, adjustment disorders, familial conflict and more. Therapy can benefit anyone who is willing and ready to better their life, and it can be extremely effective when clients seek counsel prior to the issues becoming overwhelming and unbearable. Their is no specific “criteria” to see a mental health provider and it’s important to let go of your ideas of therapy from what you’ve seen in the movies and TV. Part of breaking the stigma around mental health is being willing to reach out when you think can utilize extra support. Even therapists see their own therapists (yes it’s true!) If you feel that you could benefit from therapy, reach out to a few providers and begin doing research! It may be the best decision you end up making for your life.

2. I’ve talked to everyone and no one has been helpful. Why will a therapist be different? Their is a vast difference between confiding in a friend or family member and talk therapy. For one, therapy does not rely on a therapist’s wisdom for answers. Therapy is a process in which a client and professional utilize evidence based interventions and strategies to uncover a clients reality nonjudgementallh in the comfort of a safe environment. Therapy works because of a strong therapeutic alliance created between a therapist and a client. A therapist’s role in the counseling room is to provide insight, confront cognitive distortions, and overall lead the client to conclusions, increase their coping strategies, and encourage effective decision making. The difference between talking to a friend about your issues and attending therapy is when talking to friends and family members you may receive guidance or advice from their personal experiences and become invalidated during the process. How many times have you attempted to share a feeling to a loved one, only to be disappointed when the loved one turns the focus on them saying something like, “When I went through that I just picked myself up.. you should too!” You may even find friends and family trying to sway you in a certain directions for their own agendas. Therapists rarely provide clients with advice. Instead therapists work to provide you with information and guide you to make the moves you need to have a fulfilled life on YOUR terms!

3. Therapy will make me worse

For survivors of childhood trauma, domestic violence, or abuse and neglect the thought of reliving these memories can be extremely anxiety provoking. Even if you are not a victim of trauma, is it normal to have fear that discussing these concerns may bring up buried emotions. To combat this anxiety remember therapy likely will reveal many emotions, and your therapist is trained to help you progress, channel, and let go of those memories that are no longer serving you. Make sure to chat with your therapist and request them to walk you through your treatment plan so you can take a collaborative approach to your healing journey! Therapy is a process, it may feel “worse” before it gets better; however, your therapist will continue to guide you without becoming overwhelmed in a safe and nurturing environment.

Beginning therapy is an important and courageous decision! Therapy is an effective tool to increase mental well-being and overall happiness in your life.

If you or someone you know is are interested in understanding the therapeutic process more in depth and would like to see if I would be a good fit for your therapeutic needs contact me for a free consultation at 405-323-1786

Happy Healing!

Michelle Smith RMHCI, MS

Supporting a Friend or a Family Member with Mental Illness

Nearly 1 in 5 US adults are currently living with a mental illness (National Institute of Mental Health). With these staggering statistics, it’s likely we all know at least one friend or family member who is struggling with some type of mental illness. Recent media has urged individuals to encourage loved ones to get help, but what is the proper way to do this? It is easy to make the wrong comment or suggestion, resulting in a trigger for the individual and lessening the chances of them seeking the help they need.

Here are some clear tips on how to encourage a loved one who is struggling with mental health.

1. Validation, Validation, Validation

The way we address our loved ones is vital in the intervention process. As a supporter, you may have your own inferences or preconceived notions into your loved ones feelings, or you may hold resentment towards their illness due to the impact it has caused on you which can lead to invalidation. Phrases like, “Things aren’t that bad”, “Stop looking for attention” or “Why don’t you just snap out of it” may be your knee jerk reaction; however, these phrases can cause detrimental harm to your loved one. Invalidating another’s perspective or point of view sends the message that you either A) you do not believe your loved one or B) you do not care about the reality your loved one is experiencing. Instead try phrases like “It sounds like you’re struggling, what can I do to help” or simply “I don’t even know what to say right now. I just want you to know I’m here”. These are safer and much easier alternatives. Validating your loved ones reality is more likely to encourage them to get the help they need in the long run.

2. Show Up and Be Present

Living with mental illness can fathom serious feelings of loneliness. Decreased self-worth can make it very difficult for your loved one to reach out in time of crisis. Showing up, even if you aren’t invited is a good way to continue to show your support to your loved one. Checking in, sending food or messages, or simply saying you are here when they are ready will help encourage your loved one to open up. When they are ready to reach out for help, provide support by researching therapists together or even sitting in for that first initial call to set an appointment can be helpful.

3. Be Aware of Signs of Suicide

Suicide is largely preventable. It’s important as a loved one that you take all words of death seriously. Even if it is presented in a joking manner, many times this can be an early signs a crisis may occur. Ask follow up questions about their comment, and do not leave the person alone if they are reporting an active plan to harm themselves. You can encourage your loved one to contact national help lines such as 1-800-273-TALK. If you still feel your loved one is unsafe after attempting de escalation tactics you can contact the local police department and ask for the crisis intervention team. If necessary, they can issue a voluntary or involuntary hospitalization for the safety of your loved one. In the state of Florida this is called a Baker Act. Don’t hesitate. Make sure to verbalize that this is what is done when a loved one’s life is in danger for their safety.

4. You Are Not Responsible for Your Loved One’s Recovery

After the recent tragedies, many people are looking to help in some way. Even if you follow all the guidance provided above, you may still be frustrated that your loved one does not follow through with recommendations to receive therapeutic services. It’s important as a support person to not take on the burden of your loved one’s recovery. At the end of the day, therapy is hard work! The motivation to get better must be present in the client for results to come about. This may mean loved ones will go through the process for weeks, months, even years until one is finally ready to begin their journey to healing. Be patient and continue validation strategies until they come to the decision to get help. Keep reiterating, “When your ready, I’m here for you”.

If you or someone you love is looking for therapeutic services in the Palm Beach County area contact Michelle Smith RMHCI, MS at 405-323-1786 for a free consultation today.

Mental Health Awareness Month

May marks mental health awareness month, a time to reflect and honor the 43.8 million people with mental illnesses around the globe. Many of these unsung heroes are living among us without our awareness. Family, friends, coworkers, and people you know are wearing invisible scars many silently suffering in their day to day lives.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, just over 20 percent, or about 1 in 5 children, have had a seriously debilitating mental disorder. With a large number of the population diagnosed with mental health disorders, there is still many barriers to effective care such as the stigma & shame associated with receiving mental health services.

Equality Between Physical and Mental Wellness

If you found out someone you love had been diagnosed with a physical illness such as diabetes, there would be no hesitation to encourage that person to receive the utmost care necessary to return to normal functioning. Unfortunately, many people do not feel the same way about mental illness. Often clients are told by loved ones to “just handle it” or “stop thinking about it”. It’s important for people to know mental illness cannot just “be handled” by the client on their own accords. Just like a patient with diabetes utilizes a number of doctors and specialists, people with mental illnesses are recommended to utilize mental health professionals, psychiatrists, and therapists to manage symptoms and return to a normal level of functioning. Changing the perspective can help bring empathy, and also encouraged clients to get the help they need and deserve.

When Do I Know I Need Help?

Another side effect of the stigma of mental health is that many clients wait too long to be seen by professionals. As a general rule, if you notice your mood, affect, and behaviors change to a point where functioning in any area your life is compromised (such as at work, relationships, social activities) and the symptoms have persisted consistently for a duration of two weeks it is time to see a professional to explore further. Some clients suffer with severe symptoms for years in silence due to the shame associated with their mental health. If your concerned about a change in your mental health, contact a professional for a screening, you won’t regret taking the time to care for yourself. After all, there is no health without mental health.

Resilience

I am consistently amazed at the resilience, determination, and stamina of my clients. I chose this field because as a young professional I was eager to help people who needed it. In reality, my clients have taught me lessons in resilience. I have personally witnessed the willpower and determination of my clients to work towards creating a thriving and successful life. They motivate me to be the best clinician I possibly can, each and every day.

Just like symptoms of a chronic illness are managed over time, mental illness is a process of recovery. Clients wok to manage symptoms and have good and bad days during the process.

If you or someone you love is suffering in silence with mental illness I would love to chat with you to discuss supporting you on your journey towards recovery. Contact Michelle Smith RMHCI, MS at 405-323-1786 for a free phone consultation