The Struggle with Self Compassion

As a therapist, I see clients who come to the counseling office with numerous issues. Loss of a relationship, job changes, anxiety, depression, grief, trauma, illness, or just plain unhappiness with the way life currently is going.

One thing that is common amongst humans. We are innately wired to be on the outlook for danger, always assessing their surroundings to protect themselves. It is our habitual nature to turn towards the negative, and blame outward sources for our unhappiness.

Today, this habit serves less of a purpose, and can manifest in an outward blaming game.

When clients come to therapy, initially there is what therapists call a “presenting problem”. My boss, my wife, my job, my circumstances, if only I had the money, the promotion, the relationship.. the list goes on.

By creating a safe environment for understanding and growth, slowly clients come to realization that their perception, not circumstances, must change for true growth to occur.

And that growth isn’t linear. It doesn’t look pretty written in glitter ink. But it’s honest. And it’s vulnerable. And it’s real. And honestly isn’t that what we are all here for in the end?

The struggle with self compassion is, we have to be vulnerable with ourselves and look in the dark corners and crevices, deep down in the root of the mind that may have memories and circumstances that don’t feel good.

By exploring these emotions in a safe environment with a trusted person, self compassion can begin to manifest on the journey to healing.

Are you ready to truly forgive yourself? Are you ready to look in the dark corners and roots to heal?

Rumi once said “maybe you are searching amongst the branches, for what only appears in your roots”

Wishing you health and wellness!

Michelle Smith

LMHC, MS

michelle.smith.lmhc@gmail.com

Coping and Thriving in The New Year

Reflecting on the past and looking forward to the new year can bring up some sticky, funky, real and raw emotion that can leave you feeling depleted

The holidays can be a very emotionally exhausting experience:

?Maybe you have had a year of loss and are experiencing intense grief

?Maybe financial burdens and family and social obligation brought fleet of exhaustion that left you feeling emotionally debilitated

?Without proper attention, these feelings can manifest into longer term mental health concerns.

It’s important to take time and space in the beginning of the year to reflect where your going.

Take the time to set your intentions for 2019. Do you need more peace? love? patience? courage?

Whatever it is write it down. Look at it often. Make the commitment to you.

The more challenging part is protecting your energy throughout the year to manifest your intention to its fullest potential.

It’s easy to get sidetracked from our goals thanks to negative coping habits, toxic relationships, and fear of not being good enough.

It’s important to have a concrete plan on how you will protect your energy in 2019.

?How will you set your boundaries in 2019?

?What kind of emotional shield or armor will you put on to protect your peace?

?How will you make the commitment to consistently reapplying your shield during stressful times of the year?

If you are struggling with questions such as these, and believe mindfulness based counseling would be helpful to you I provide free phone consultations to potential new clients. I hope to hear from you in the new year!

Wishing you peace in mind, body, and spirit in 2019!

Warmly,

Michelle Smith

LMHC, MS

(305) 204-6378

3 Myths about Psychotherapy and Why it Can Drastically Benefit Your Life

In the last few years, their has been a dramatic shift in nations focus towards mental health. From school shootings, increase in suicides, and family separation at our nations borders now more than ever Americans are understanding the importance of mental health awareness. Unfortunately many are still skeptical about reaching out to professionals for therapy. In an effort to break the stigma around mental health, today I discuss a few myths regarding the therapeutic process. My hope is to encourage individuals, couples, and families to seek support and engage in holistic approach to their healing journey

1. Going to therapy means I’m “weak, flawed, or “crazy” This myth couldn’t be farther from the truth! Mental health professionals work with clients with many different concerns from severe mental illnesses to life transitions, adjustment disorders, familial conflict and more. Therapy can benefit anyone who is willing and ready to better their life, and it can be extremely effective when clients seek counsel prior to the issues becoming overwhelming and unbearable. Their is no specific “criteria” to see a mental health provider and it’s important to let go of your ideas of therapy from what you’ve seen in the movies and TV. Part of breaking the stigma around mental health is being willing to reach out when you think can utilize extra support. Even therapists see their own therapists (yes it’s true!) If you feel that you could benefit from therapy, reach out to a few providers and begin doing research! It may be the best decision you end up making for your life.

2. I’ve talked to everyone and no one has been helpful. Why will a therapist be different? Their is a vast difference between confiding in a friend or family member and talk therapy. For one, therapy does not rely on a therapist’s wisdom for answers. Therapy is a process in which a client and professional utilize evidence based interventions and strategies to uncover a clients reality nonjudgementallh in the comfort of a safe environment. Therapy works because of a strong therapeutic alliance created between a therapist and a client. A therapist’s role in the counseling room is to provide insight, confront cognitive distortions, and overall lead the client to conclusions, increase their coping strategies, and encourage effective decision making. The difference between talking to a friend about your issues and attending therapy is when talking to friends and family members you may receive guidance or advice from their personal experiences and become invalidated during the process. How many times have you attempted to share a feeling to a loved one, only to be disappointed when the loved one turns the focus on them saying something like, “When I went through that I just picked myself up.. you should too!” You may even find friends and family trying to sway you in a certain directions for their own agendas. Therapists rarely provide clients with advice. Instead therapists work to provide you with information and guide you to make the moves you need to have a fulfilled life on YOUR terms!

3. Therapy will make me worse

For survivors of childhood trauma, domestic violence, or abuse and neglect the thought of reliving these memories can be extremely anxiety provoking. Even if you are not a victim of trauma, is it normal to have fear that discussing these concerns may bring up buried emotions. To combat this anxiety remember therapy likely will reveal many emotions, and your therapist is trained to help you progress, channel, and let go of those memories that are no longer serving you. Make sure to chat with your therapist and request them to walk you through your treatment plan so you can take a collaborative approach to your healing journey! Therapy is a process, it may feel “worse” before it gets better; however, your therapist will continue to guide you without becoming overwhelmed in a safe and nurturing environment.

Beginning therapy is an important and courageous decision! Therapy is an effective tool to increase mental well-being and overall happiness in your life.

If you or someone you know is are interested in understanding the therapeutic process more in depth and would like to see if I would be a good fit for your therapeutic needs contact me for a free consultation at 405-323-1786

Happy Healing!

Michelle Smith RMHCI, MS

4 Tips for Talking with Children and Teens After a School Shooting

Following the events at Santa Fe High School that occurred last week, parents are curious about what to say or how to address this tragedy with their children and teens. As a school counselor and psychotherapist, I know firsthand the amount of emotional turmoil these events can reek havoc on the family and school settings.

There is much advice on the internet about how to address this; however, if you keep these tips in mind you will be able to navigate through this conversation in an effective manner:

1.       Ask Questions and Discuss What Your Child is Seeing on Social Media

Most children and teens utilize smartphones to access the majority of their information regarding current events. As an adult, it is easier to decipher between “fake news” and evidence based information regarding the tragedy. If you have not already, sit down with your child or teen and ask what type of information they have gathered regarding the shooting and ask them to show you where the found it. Ask them how they know the information is credible. If they struggle to understand, take this as a teachable moment and show your son or daughter how to look up news articles, teaching them which resources are most credible and which ones are not (think Wikipedia, friends sharing social media posts). As a rule of thumb, if it didn’t come from a news source it’s important to fact check.

2.  Don’t Tell Someone in an Emotional State “Just Calm Down”

It can be challenging figuring out how to help your child or teen emotionally regulate after a traumatic event. Many times our own distress and frustration can get in the way of helping us information gather, rather than put a band aid on the presenting problem. How many times as parents have we used the overstated, “Just calm down already!” in high emotional situations. This statement invalidates the feelings your child is experiencing. Instead try something like “Yes, this is a scary situation and I understand your emotion. How can I help you through these feelings right now?”

3.       Don’t Sugar Coat It

A majority of advice I see on the internet states the importance of reiterating the safety in our schools and enforcing that the likelihood of a shooting happening in THEIR school is minimal. I tend to discourage sugar coating this issue. The reality is school shootings are becoming a “new normal” for this generation. Students in school today have more active shooter drills than fire drills, and are very aware that there is a possibility a shooting can occur. Instead normalize their feelings of fear and anxiety, discuss safeguards in place at their specific school, and rehearse the plan provided by your child or teens school.

4.       Assess for PTSD Symptoms Early

Sometime after the trauma has occurred, it is important to assess exactly what your child experienced especially if they were a victim or in the school during the time of the shooting. When your child is ready, ask them what they saw, experienced, and their involvement with the incident. If you notice symptoms such as avoiding school, recurrent distressing dreams, or persistent negative emotional states that last for more than a month than it is time to seek treatment. Your child may have early signs of PTSD which is a mental illness that cannot resolve itself without mental health professional intervention.

If you or someone you love is looking for therapeutic services in the Palm Beach Gardens area contact Michelle Smith, MS, RMHCI at 405-323-1786 for a free 30 minute phone consultation to see if I would be the right fit for you today!

Mental Health Awareness Month

May marks mental health awareness month, a time to reflect and honor the 43.8 million people with mental illnesses around the globe. Many of these unsung heroes are living among us without our awareness. Family, friends, coworkers, and people you know are wearing invisible scars many silently suffering in their day to day lives.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, just over 20 percent, or about 1 in 5 children, have had a seriously debilitating mental disorder. With a large number of the population diagnosed with mental health disorders, there is still many barriers to effective care such as the stigma & shame associated with receiving mental health services.

Equality Between Physical and Mental Wellness

If you found out someone you love had been diagnosed with a physical illness such as diabetes, there would be no hesitation to encourage that person to receive the utmost care necessary to return to normal functioning. Unfortunately, many people do not feel the same way about mental illness. Often clients are told by loved ones to “just handle it” or “stop thinking about it”. It’s important for people to know mental illness cannot just “be handled” by the client on their own accords. Just like a patient with diabetes utilizes a number of doctors and specialists, people with mental illnesses are recommended to utilize mental health professionals, psychiatrists, and therapists to manage symptoms and return to a normal level of functioning. Changing the perspective can help bring empathy, and also encouraged clients to get the help they need and deserve.

When Do I Know I Need Help?

Another side effect of the stigma of mental health is that many clients wait too long to be seen by professionals. As a general rule, if you notice your mood, affect, and behaviors change to a point where functioning in any area your life is compromised (such as at work, relationships, social activities) and the symptoms have persisted consistently for a duration of two weeks it is time to see a professional to explore further. Some clients suffer with severe symptoms for years in silence due to the shame associated with their mental health. If your concerned about a change in your mental health, contact a professional for a screening, you won’t regret taking the time to care for yourself. After all, there is no health without mental health.

Resilience

I am consistently amazed at the resilience, determination, and stamina of my clients. I chose this field because as a young professional I was eager to help people who needed it. In reality, my clients have taught me lessons in resilience. I have personally witnessed the willpower and determination of my clients to work towards creating a thriving and successful life. They motivate me to be the best clinician I possibly can, each and every day.

Just like symptoms of a chronic illness are managed over time, mental illness is a process of recovery. Clients wok to manage symptoms and have good and bad days during the process.

If you or someone you love is suffering in silence with mental illness I would love to chat with you to discuss supporting you on your journey towards recovery. Contact Michelle Smith RMHCI, MS at 405-323-1786 for a free phone consultation

Benefits of Therapy for Children During the Summer

The countdown is on! Days are getting longer, sun is getting warmer, and the last school bell is right around the corner (35 days away if your counting!).

For many children, summertime is a break with less responsibilities, more freedom, and less stress. Due to increased time for free play, promoting independence, and strengthening interpersonal relationships it may be a great time to start thinking about taking some of the availability in schedule to address certain symptoms you may have noticed your child demonstrating during the school year.

Before the School Year Ends

Take time to schedule parent-teacher conferences, follow up with guidance counselors, 504 contacts, and coaches to get a clear picture on how your child has adjusted throughout the school year. It is unlikely children will “grow” out of certain mood, impulse, behavior, or social struggles in a matter of months without support. In my clinical experience, abatement of school year stressors are likely to return, in more severe forms during the next school year if not addressed.

Availability to Focus on Home Based Challenges

If your child or teen struggles with behavior problems at home and in school, summer can be a great opportunity to hone in on improving skills in the home environment. Therapists can work with your child and family on identifying mood disturbances, increasing problem solving skills, planning and organization, and increasing positive communication in the family system. During the school year hustle and grind, it can be easy to allow these important goals fall to the wayside. Summer is a great time to tune up our emotional growth inside the family system (where change is most likely to stick!)

Structure

Change in routine can be wonderful, but also can cause uncertainty in the lives of school aged children and teens who are hardwired to schedules. Adding weekly therapy appointments provides routine and structure to the laid back feel of the summertime. Keeping children on consistent schedules has been proven to increase sense of security, positive self-image, and control in numerous environments.

Increase Your Family Tool Bank

Therapy provides an opportunity to learn and develop healthy coping strategies in a safe environment, but the benefits extend past changes in your teen or child. By engaging in this collaborative effort you are letting your child know the family is working to improve together, and it is a priority to the family to be the best you can! Benefits such as improved communication, reflection of feelings, and increased emotional connection are only some of the wonderful outcomes of investing in you and your child’s mental and emotional health this summer!

For more information on booking an appointment or consultation for your child, teen, or family contact Michelle Smith MS, RMHCI

405-323-1786

Understanding Anxiety

Anxiety. We all know the feeling. An all-encompassing emotional response to a real or perceived threat. Right now with FSA testing happening in school districts across the state, anxiety levels are sky-rocketed for students, parents, and teachers alike. During times of increased stress you may notice changes in your child’s behavior such as irritability, rigidity, outbursts, and attempting to gain control of the world around them. Although anxiety is a normal emotional response, it can become detrimental especially if ruminating thoughts regarding what “might” happen take over.

During high emotional times such as state testing, you may notice your own anxiety increasing more than normal. Anxiety, like many emotions, is contagious and just being in a setting with high anxiety can increase another’s feelings of anxiety. So how can parents “weather the storm” of testing anxiety season and support and also encourage our students to be the best they can be?

Encourage and Validate

Parents, teachers, and adults sometimes struggle to validate children who are dealing with anxiety because it may not make any rational sense. For instance, maybe you have an honor role student who consistently performs well on standardized tests; however, they are feeling an overwhelming sense of dread the morning of the test. You may feel challenged to validate your child without agreeing or dismissing their feelings. Validate and encourage your child or teen’s feelings anyways, note how difficult it must be to feel so out of control at times. Use statements like these below:

“It makes sense that you are nervous about your test, and I know you will do your best and make it through anyways!”

“I can tell you are worried about the test coming up, especially because you have been picking your nails more lately. Is there anything we can do to help you feel better about it?”

When validating remember anxiety feels REAL whether it is a perceived or imaginable threat. Try to take a trip down memory lane to your middle school or high school years and connect to your experience with anxiety. Allow your child to vent if necessary, and reward them for taking steps towards their future.

Model Healthy Coping Strategies

The history of anxiety comes from our caveman ancestors who were driven by fear to escape life threatening situations such as being chased by a bear. In 2018, anxiety comes from worry thoughts that trigger the same “fight or flight response”. The problem comes when there is nothing to run away from, then you or your child can be left with symptoms such as rapid breathing, increased heartbeat, sweating, or trembling. You can help encourage your teen to begin utilizing healthy coping strategies in times without high emotion, so it is easier for them to practice the skills during anxiety.

Breathing Exercises

Teaching simple 4 count breathing in through the nose, and out through the nose is a wonderful tool to teach children at a young age. When our mind is on overdrive, we can calm the body which sends a message to calm the mind. Deep breathing helps bring our body to a relaxed state and out of the “fight or flight” response. Bring your teen or child to a free community yoga or meditation class, make a date of it to tune in and focus on your breathe.

Get Into Logical Mind

Many times when anxiety becomes paralyzing, we can make a shift in mood by engaging our logical mind, or the part of the mind that focuses on logic versus emotion. To engage this part of the brain help your child focus on a number game, count backwards, or engage in a writing exercise. This takes attention off the emotion and brings the body back to an equilibrium state. Sudoku, meditative coloring, even math problems can help in times of intense emotion. Engage with your child and model these behaviors for most effective practices.

Acceptance

Although your child or teens emotions may be more intense in the next couple weeks than normal, it’s important to remember anxiety is a part of life that your child can and will learn to manage to live a fulfilled life.

It may be easier to minimize or dismiss your child’s anxiety, taking the time to acknowledge it may be the difference between learning how to cope and manage these feelings or burning out. And remember… testing season will pass!

 

For more information on anxiety, mental health services for your child or teen, or psychoeducation for families contact Michelle Smith, MS, RMHCI and Middle School Guidance Counselor at 405-323-1786 for a consultation.